The Self-Isolation Blues…

March 31, 2020 admin

Johnny-on-the-Spot

My wife and I are now seeing, first-hand, why all the interior remodeling we did at the palatial Foster estate was a wise move.

Like many, we are spending a fair amount of time checking out the 4 walls.

Terms that we never heard 6 weeks ago, self-isolation and proper distancing are terms that dominate our minds today.

I’m thinking of attaching suspenders to an old Hula-Hoop to help keep us from getting too close.

My bride said, “It’s pretty boring when the most-exciting thing I have on my agenda is to have a piece of bread with my dippy egg”.

But we have found creative things to do.

We noticed a lot of flies in our screened-in back porch and we held a “fly round-up” of sorts.

Opening the doors, flapping the drapes and nudging the reluctant ones along with a fly swatter sent dozens winging their way into the wild, hopefully to become food for birds.

We even did it without our younger daughter yelling, “Yaw! Yaw” to encourage the insects to relocate.

I have a tendency to clean when I’m bored.

It started with my lawn mower and lawn tractor.

Changed oil, cleaned spark plugs and air filters and sharpened blades and scraped old grass from the undersides of the decks.

Now, tell the truth, fellow handymen, is there a better feeling than the sound of a lawn mower starting on the first pull?

I think not.

The floor of my backyard barn might be cleaner than any room in our house since I’ve spent so much time there recently.

The broom is weary.

One day while cleaning up after dishes, I pulled the sink stopper.

On the underside is that black rubber plug and I noted it was a bit “slimy”.

So I scrubbed it off but not until I popped the entire stopper off and uncovered quite a collection of goo on the bottom side of the strainer.

Disgusting…but not any more.

Might be the cleanest sink stopper this side of the hardware store.

I also tried to get my wife to buy-in on playing “High/Low Mail Box Delivery.’

Before going to the post receptacle, I’d pick a number and ask her, “Will the actual pieces of mail be higher or lower than that number?”

She just scowled.

I hadn’t even suggested what the prize would be for winning.

We could also have a different version for birds at the front yard feeder. High/Low on the number of cardinals, blue jays, woodpeckers or chickadees we might see at any given time.

Me?

I’m taking the woodpeckers and giving points.

My bride also suggested I pull the stove and refrigerator away from the wall and clean what’s behind and beneath them.

It’s where “dust-bunnies” hibernate until you open the windows and breezes send them scurrying.

Sometimes you find that runaway vitamin or piece of macaroni that hopped out of the pot.

It’s always an adventure.

I’ve already cleaned the two toilet tanks so we’re flushing the purest of water today.

Can you say “anal?”

I’ve also heard of some making reusable toilet tissue out of old material.

Initially, I blanched but I’m old enough to remember cloth baby diapers.

I’ll bet you had one of those little tubs in the bathroom where you did a quick “shake-off” in the toilet before tossing the “diadies” in the bucket which was filled with some sort of detergent.

The memory of the aroma of ammonia when I dumped the bucket in the bathtub still brings tears to my eyes.

But, old cloth diapers became pretty handy car-buffing rags when they aged out as baby fanny covers.

And, while we’re at it…

Am I the only one who knows how to properly feed the disinfectant wipes through that “star” thingy in the top of the container?

Geez!

But, I digress.

We’ve been washing our hands often and properly although I fear I may be developing an unhealthy emotional attachment to the men’s room soap dispenser.

So, if you follow the guidelines, you are to wash your hands with warm, soapy water while singing “Happy Birthday to You.”

Three times.

Boring!

After a little more than a week of that ditty, I thought we needed something else to sing while pursuing personal hygiene.

This was too easy.

Back in 1979, the L-A based rock group, “The Knack” came out with the album, “Get the Knack” which included their only top 10 hit, “My Sharona”.

Pretty much one-hit wonders.

So, let’s all scrub and sing along to “My Corona” with apologies to The Knack.

“Trapped inside my little home, my little home…

When will I be able to leave, Corona?

Now I’m climbing up the walls, up the walls…

Need some time away from my spouse, Corona!

Are you gonna stop, let us out despite my nagging hack.

I want to go hang out, have some fun like I did way back.

Why, why, why, why, why, Whoa!

Wh-wh-wh, Why Corona?

Can I hit the pub just once or will you tell?

Oh, just one cold brew with the guys, Corona!

Staying here all by ourselves, it’s freakin’ me.

Running down the halls of my home, Corona!

Don’t have a cough, runny nose or a tummy ache.

I want to get around, do some work in a different place.

Why, why, why, why why, Whoa!

Wh-wh-wh, Why Corona?

When you gonna go away, go away?

Is it just a matter of time, Corona?

Is this tied to TP sales, TP sales.

Or do you have some special stocks to sell, Corona?

Why, why, why, why, why, Whoa!

Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-wh, Why, why, why, why, Whoa!

Wh-wh-wh, Why Corona?

Wh-wh-wh, Why, Corona?

Oooooooo, Ohhh, My Corona!

Oooooooo, Ohhh, My Corona?

Oooooooo, Ohhh, My Corona.”

P.S.

Keep coughing in your sleeve.

Elbow bumps.

TFN.