Heard of a Bunch of Cows?

Johnny-on-the-Spot … by John Foster …

When there’s more of one thing, we refer to the term, “collective noun” to describe the group.

When I was a kid, I ran around with my “gang”.

We were the guys that played sandlot baseball part of the day and then used our baseball bats as rifles when we played army.

We weren’t a “gang” in the current sense of the word; we just “hung out” together.

Later, a number of us gravitated to music and became “bandies”.

We were in marching and concert band.

I also got involved with some small musical groups and played drums.

We were called a “combo”, a “garage band” or a “group”.

Some guys chose athletics.

They became known as “jocks”.

When I went to the Career Academy School of Famous Broadcasters, we all hoped to become “D-J’s” (Disc Jockeys), “announcers” or “reporters”.

Or a “broadcaster”.

Then the military beckoned, and I could have become a “devil dog”, a “sailor” or a “grunt”.

So I went United States Air Force and became an “airman”.

Even today, among fellow Air Force buddies, we often refer to each other as “airman”.

And, we’re all known as “veterans”.

Today, I’m covered by a bigger collective noun referred to as “retirees” or “senior citizens”.

My hair color has prevented me from being categorized as a “blue head”.

Plus, I fall into that group of “husbands”, “fathers”, grandfathers”, “uncles” and even
“brothers”.

We humans have a variety of collective nouns that we can fit in.

The term “collective noun” always makes me remember a classic Marx Brothers routine.

Chico: “Look at that bunch of cows.”

Groucho: “That’s a herd.”

Chico: “Heard of what?”

Groucho: “Herd of cows.”

Chico: “Of course I’ve heard of cows.”

Grouch: “No, a cow herd.”

Chico: “What do I care about what a cow heard.”

(Harpo honks his horn.)

Many of the “collective nouns” for animals are pretty clever.

Take geese and swans for example.

We’ve all heard of a “gaggle” or “flock” but when they’re flying, it’s called a “skein”.

A group of swans on the ground or in the water is a “bevy” or “lamentations”.

Aloft, however, you call them a “wedge”.

More than one flamingo is a “stand” or a “flamboyance”.

How appropriate!

Multiple eagles are described as a “convocation.”

Turkeys, which Benjamin Franklin thought should be our national bird have three collective nouns which work; a gang, rafter or posse.

Stoic owls are referred to as a “parliment”.

Cute little chicks are referred to as a “clutch”, a “brood”, a “peep” or a “chattering”.

Pretty goldfinches go by the moniker “charm”.

Here’s a strange one.

More than one lapwing is a “deceit”.

While we’re up in the air with these, most of us know that multiple crows is a “murder”. But what about a “storytelling”?

But a lot of gnats is a “cloud” or a “horde” while more than one bat is a “colony”, “cloud” or a “cauldron”.

Why a group of wasps is known as a “pledge” which makes very little sense to me.

What do you suppose we call more than one giraffe?

I love this one.

A “tower”.

Multiple toads are called a “knot” or a “knob” while several frogs get labelled an “army” or “colony”.

More than one monkey is called a “troop”, “cartload” or “barrel”.

Remember the plastic red monkeys that came in a barrel when we were kids?

Lots of baboons?

You’ll love this one.

A “congress”.

But they can also be described as a “tribe” or “flange”.

How about a “string” of ponies?

More than one snake?

A “nest” or “knot”.

Cobras?

A “quiver”.

Did you watch the movie “Jaws”?

More than one shark is called a “shivver”.

As in, “up your spine?”

Multiple hyenas is a colorful one.

A “cackle”.

On my way into work, I observed two dead skunks.

The “collective noun” for my discovery is “stench”.

Can you say “scent-sational”?

I think this next one came from their “masks” because more than one raccoon is called a “gaze”.

Multiple cats are described as a “clowder”, a “glaring”, a “pounce”, a “nuisance” or a “clutter”.

More than one cute, little kitten?

That’s a “litter” or a “kindle”.

But this cow offering is a real keeper.

More than one bovine can be referred to as a “herd”, a “drove”, a “fold” or even a “kine”.

Twelve or more cows is called a “flink”.

Hmm.

That’s not what I “heard” (herd).