Hey Goat! Get Off My Back!!

It never ceases to amaze me when I learn what some people will pay good money for in the name of working out and/or being cool.

Therefore I was not really surprised to learn that some folks were willing to shell out $40 to do yoga and have a baby goat stand on their back.

“Goat yoga” was coming to Brooklyn until the New York City health department nixed the idea.

This trendy workout uses a baby goat on you back while you do your “downward dog” and other yoga poses.

The city officials said getting up close and personal with goats violated the health codes.

This pop-up studio had offered the $40 classes but officials said people can get their money back or travel to a farm in South New Berlin where goat yoga is legal.

Two thing make me shake my head.

I have to hand over a pair of Andrew Jacksons to have a goat stand on my back?

Secondly, when that goat on your back starts spitting out those “goat raisins” from it’s backside, does that mean the workout is over?

It would be for me.

I can sort of understand why the studio uses goats.

They have this natural ability to climb and balance in precarious places.

I think patrons would be upset if they found “goat raisins” in the pockets of their fancy workout gear while sipping an after-yoga latte at their favorite coffee shop.

Don’t get me wrong.

It’s not that I don’t like goats.

I just think any health advantage to having the weight of a baby goat on your back while doing yoga  could be accomplished by putting a 15 pound weight there instead.

But, the Facebook posting would be as cute now, would it?

I can just hear the affected “Oohs” and “Aahs” as Biff and Buffy compared their “downward dog pose ” photos on their cells phones while sipping their over-priced coffee.

Listen, I think goats have a degree of “cool” that many animals don’t have.

Just not sure I want one standing on my back.

A few years ago, the family vacationed in the hills around Pigeon Forge, Tennessee and we discovered “Goats on the Roof”.

I thought this was an amazing marketing gimmick.

They were just like any of the other zillion or so souvenir shoppes in that area with one big difference.

They had goats.

And, they were on the roof.

They had t-shirts, ball caps, sweatshirts and other trinkets but they all had a goat worked in.

We even bought a “Goats on the Roof” door mat that is still in our garage.

One of the really clever things they had was a bicycle-powered conveyor belt.

You’d plunk down 50 cents to get a baby-sized ice cream cone filled with goat chow.

Then you’d put it on the conveyor belt, hop on the bike and peddle your treat up on the roof where they gobble it up, goat-style.

I figured that at 50 cents a pop to feed the goats, these folks were making a small fortune in the profit off a single 50 pound bag of goat feed.

Now, “Goats on the Roof” also has a roller-coaster which they were just starting when we visited.

I can’t help but smile when I see a goat and on those occasions when they show up in an advertising campaign, I have to chuckle.

According to my sources, goats are among the oldest domesticated species in the  world and the U.N. says about 925 million goats call Earth home.

Lady goats are called “does” or “nannies” while the guys are “bucks” or “billies”.

Suddenly, Billy Goat Gruff makes a lot more sense now.

The youngsters, suprisingly enough, are called “kids” and castrated males are “wethers” which means the forecast is for no kids if you’re a wether.

Goats don’t eat tin cans as the cartoons might lead us to believe but they will eat the paper labels off of them.

They’ll also eat cardboard, clothing and paper but prefer to browse on vines, shrubberry or weeds.

What often happens that they get so engrossed in munching, they don’t always notice what they’re munching on.

Because of that, we humans often use goats to clear unwanted growth. These “eating machines” are used to clear dry brush from California hillsides to lower the brush fire risk.

I found out that in parts of China, goats are used in the production of tea. They keep the weeds under control in the tea terraces and the aforementioned “goat raisins” fertilize the tea plants.

On average, goats live about 18 years which means by the time they’re old enough to vote, life is over. That’s probably when they help surgeons stitch us up or become musical instrument strings because “catgut” is made from goat intestines.

It must be hard to pick the guilty goat out of the police line-up because both the males and females have beards.

Fainting sheep pass out when they feel panic.

In Norse mythology, Thor, the god of thunder, had a chariot pulled by a team of goats.

Also, did anyone ever “get your goat?”

That goes back to olden times in horse-racing when a goat might be placed in the stall with a nervous thoroughbred the night before a race. The goats were thought to calm the horses.

The Bible mentions goats numerous times but in the middle ages, superstition claimed goats whispered lewd sentences into the ears of saints.

So, if you’re doing “goat yoga” and that animal leans down near your ear, start chanting, “La, la, la, la, la” loudly so you don’t hear x-rated goat chatter.